


You Are Not Alone

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, Thoughts of Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 09:51:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17057561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Sam understands the feelings you are having, so he makes it his mission to prove one thing.  You are not alone.





	You Are Not Alone

Sam saw the signs, he could tell you were going to that place.  That place in your mind where you were so alone, so fragile, where the voices in your head tore you down and told you no one cared.  He saw you slip into the beginnings of despair and depression, but then made the silent resolve, he wasn’t going to let you stay there.

 

He had been to that place, that hopeless place of shadow and doubt.  He knew that fighting your way out would be hard, but the difference between you and him?  You had him to help you in that battle.  So Sam took a day to prepare before he decided to wipe that shadow from your mind. He loved you too much to let you feel the way you were feeling, so he was going to change it.  He was going to show you just how loved, and needed, you were.

 

000

 

When you woke the next morning, you felt two strong arms wrap around you and pull you into a warm chest.  Part of you wanted to smile, but another part of you wanted to push him away.  You didn’t need to drag Sam down into this place with you, he deserved better than that.  He held you close and you brought up your hands and placed them on his chest, giving a little push to try to break free. 

 

“I’m fine, Sam.”  You whispered as you tried to free yourself from his long armed grasp.

 

You felt his breath across your hair as he pulled you tighter, holding you before he let out a deep sigh.  “I just need to hold you for a moment, is that okay?”  He asked wearily. 

 

You took in a breath.  “Is everything okay?  Did you have a nightmare?”  You looked up into those hazel eyes and saw him staring down at you lovingly.  The look was intense but soft at the same time, it made you exposed, like he was seeing into your mind and seeing all of your thoughts.

 

“No.  I just…I just want to hold you.  I love holding you like this.”  He shifted so he could scoot down so you were both face to face as he whispered to you.  “I love it when we wake up first thing in the morning and just curl up together, have a lazy morning…let Dean make breakfast.  I love just having you to myself, it grounds me.  It makes me feel at peace.” 

 

You felt like you could weep.  His words were kind and genuine.  That was what you loved about Sam, he was always genuine.  There was never a forced compliment or statement with him.  You reached up and pushed some hair out of his face as you leaned forward and kissed his forehead.  “I feel the same way.” 

 

He smiled widely at you, flashing those adorable dimples as he pulled you closer, letting his forehead rest against yours.  “I love you, (Y/N).”  He spoke with so much love and devotion in his voice, and for a moment, it chased away the shadowed thoughts and worries…but only for a moment.

 

“I love you too, Sam.”  You settled in his arms, allowing yourself to feel complete for just one moment, before you suddenly felt very, very alone.

 

000

 

You sat in your shared room with Sam as you looked around.  He was down the hall doing some workout, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it today.  It just seemed like there wasn’t any point.  So you sat on the bed with a book in your hands, but you weren’t reading it.  All you could do was look around the room and feel out of place. 

 

It didn’t seem like this was your room, like you belonged here.  Honestly, if it wasn’t for the picture Sam had on his nightstand of the two of you together, no one would even realize that you were ever here.  You and Sam didn’t have much stuff…  You let out a deep sigh as you turned back to your book, or tried to.  _Do I really belong here?  Maybe I’m just a burden?_

 

Those thoughts crossed your mind as Sam walked in.  He saw the look on your face and steeled his resolve. He wouldn’t let you think you were alone in all of this.  He wouldn’t let you go down that path.  You were his light, you brought him back from so many moments where he was on the brink of giving up, he wasn’t going to ever give up on you.

 

“So, I was thinking…” Sam said as he bounced onto the bed with you.  “Why don’t we go out for a picnic?  Pack some food and drinks, take a blanket, and just set up somewhere where it is only us?”  He stared up at you with a happy smile. 

 

You could only smile back as you shook your head.  “You are too good to me, Sam.”

 

“You have that the wrong way.  You are way too good for me.  If I don’t spoil you, someone might steal you away.”  He said as he leaned up and gave you a strange predatory look. 

 

“What…what are you-OHMYGOSH!”  You squealed. 

 

Sam had pounced on you, sending your book flying off to the floor as he wrapped his arms around tightly, giving you a big hug before peppering your face with soft kisses. 

 

“Come picnic with me?”  He asked again, giving you the best of his puppy eyes, resting his head on your chest. 

 

Your heart warmed as you looked at him.  How did you manage to find a guy like Sam?  “Of course.”  You said as he leaned down and gave you another kiss.  

 

000

 

Your picnic lasted well into the night.  Sam grabbed anything and everything he could think of, including Dean’s pie, which you knew you would hear about later.  Even pulled a few pillows out of the closet so you both could lay out on the ground and be comfortable.  “Thank you for today, Sam.  I…I really needed it.” 

 

Sam hummed a response as he laid a kiss on your head as you tucked into him a bit more. His warm body kept you whole, as if it were the sticky glue that was keeping all of your pieces together.  “I’m sorry I have been distant…I just…”

 

“Hey, you don’t have to explain.”  He said softly as he looked down to you.  “I get it, I do.  I’ve had those moments.  But know that when you are feeling down, or you feel alone, just talk with me, okay?” 

 

You nodded and turned your face away.  You felt a little silly talking about this with Sam.  Weren’t hunters supposed to stow their crap, no chick flick moments…isn’t that what Dean always said. 

 

Sam saw that embarrassed look in your eyes.  “Look.”  Sam said as he pointed up to the sky.  “Do you see that star?” 

 

You followed his arm to see the very front star of the little dipper.  “Yea…”

 

“You know…I bet that star feels lonely sometimes.  Being out there, all on its own, in the dark.  But what it doesn’t realize…that it comes together with others, just like it.”  Sam pointed out the other stars of the constellation.

 

“That little star is never alone, because it has its family.  And that family will love it and be there for it, no matter what.  That little star has someone to turn to when it feels down.  And although that little star may have moments where it feels alone, it needs to remember that its family is there, and will always be, that it will never be alone.” 

 

Tears stung your eyes as you listened to Sam’s words, comparing you to that beautiful little ball of light.  “So…I’m the little star?”  You said after you took a moment to compose yourself.  You looked up to Sam and saw his eyes a bit wet with tears as well. 

 

“Absolutely…and the others, they are me…”  He pointed to the star right next to the one he marked as yours before going on to point at others.  “And Dean…Cas…Crowley, if you even want him in our constellation, I’m okay kicking him out.” 

 

You couldn’t help but chuckle as you tightened your arms around Sam.  “We are all there for you.  You are never alone, because we are always here for you when you need us.  Your little family.”

 

“Thank you.”  Was all you could get out before your tears fell, the tears of the emotions that had been bubbling in you for the past few days, emotions of self-doubt and loneliness, they were all cried out as your tears.  And Sam just laid there with you, letting you get them all out. 

 

But when the last tear fell, all that negative thought went with it, and you looked up into the eyes of your loving boyfriend as he leaned down and gave you a kiss.  And you knew the truth, in that one moment.

 

You are not alone. 


End file.
